I read an inspiring Medium post a few days ago. And several awesome ones in the intervening days, but this one deserves a shout out. Key Williams had a wonderful piece that shared her story and discussed some girls – and their surrounding community – who were victimized by a celebrity figure who had not been held accountable. It’s heart breaking to grapple with the knowledge that someone you cared about deeply – invested much time, love, and resources in – is unable or unwilling to reciprocate. And worse, has taken advantage of you or your kids or someone else’s children and seems not to care about the harm done.

It’s a helpless feeling to read about what has happened to these girls and be uncertain what to do. It sometimes feels useless to speak up about something that we aren’t taking other actions on or a problem that we don’t know how to solve. But Ms. Williams has asked us to do just that. After reflection, I realized that I just want to share my hopes for these girls.

Hopes

I wish these kids the patience to know that almost their whole lives are ahead of them. Decades and decades. All the jumbled feelings and memories and wishes they may be experiencing right now have the potential to dilute into something manageable as the years pass by.

And until they do, I wish these girls the safety and structure that comes from knowing that they belong here, they are lovable, they are loved, they don’t owe anyone anything except their own healing. In their own way. In their own time.

I wish these young ladies a fresh Missy Elliot concert with a Bomb Intro reprise.

I wish these women the faith and confidence to name their safe place and their safe people right now, even if that place or person(s) are still just imaginary. And I hope whoever had the means to place them in the care of the wrong person has the means to transport these women out of there and to their safe place, where they can be kids again for as long as they need.

Peace

And I hope folks like me who are far removed from this situation can remember that everyone directly involved in this tragedy – the kids, their families, their community – is focusing on the kids now. They don’t need to hear what I may think about them, their decisions, their kids, their community, because they are too busy trying to make it happen. This post is for the rest of us…

For people who haven’t been through this type of situation, it’s easy to get distracted imagining what mistakes may have been made by folks trying to do right by their kids in a society biased against them. Or to get confused by what seems like a lack of action taken by people paralyzed by trauma, fear, and shame. So to wrap up, here’s one lesson I’ve had to learn for myself, more than once: If you haven’t experienced trauma for yourself, expect to be confused and frustrated. I found Tarana Burke’s new Ted Talk helpful for my own understanding.